My Orwellian Nightmare: Sailing Sphere

Here's another dream I had the other night. In this Orwellian nightmare you'll find yourself in a world dominated and controlled by powers that dehumanize the masses through institutions, producing barely conscious drones to populate the institutions that produced them, perpetuating the slumber that has befallen mankind. But all hope is not lost, there are those who have the eyes to see and the ears to hear, their curious minds seek to discover and join the resistance, an underground network of freedom fighters covertly integrated into every system and institution. The resistance is known to the powers that fight to suppress it, They have gone to great lengths to imprison some members of the resistance deemed to pose the greatest to the system. They believe their control is absolute, however, They underestimate the scope of the resistance. 


In the desert there is a compound with high fences topped with razor wire. Guarded towers stand in every corner,  and the only gate is locked and guarded night and day. This is where They keep the ones considered to be the biggest  threat.  This is where you live. You are allowed to roam the grounds, though armed guards watch your every move. A special designed rectangular mobile living unit is what you’d call your house. A windowless building stands watching over all. 
You are walking up the three steps to your door when you get the signal; the escape plan begins. Covert operatives of the resistance have infiltrated a delivery services that brings supplies to the compound, it’s time to go, NOW! You have a jump bag ready for just this moment, however, not everything you need is in the bag. You’ve been using some of the items and haven’t put them away. You frantically run around gathering the things you need and stuffing them into your large red jump bag. You need to be out the door NOW but you need one more thing, your backpack, the one in your hand isn’t the right one, it has a broken zipper, you’re going to need a backpack with a working zipper. There it is! Right by the door. You grab it and fly out the door, stuffing the empty backpack into your jump bag in the process.
“no, no, No NO NOOOO!” The bus you’re supposed to be getting on has already passed through the gates and is driving away. You’re already sprinting towards the gates, if you haven’t been noticed yet you’re about to. This might be you’re only chance to escape. Two armed guards operate the gate, one is well outside the gate waving at the delivery truck as it disappears, the other is standing by the gate, ready to close it as soon as he gets the signal. 
Before either guard turns around you swing your heavy bag at the back of the knees of the guard who is about to close the gate. As he’s knocked to his knees just as he turns towards you. You grab the knife strapped to his hip and in the same motion ram the knife through his chest. Using his body to shield yourself you fire a burst from the powerful automatic weapon still slung on the soldiers shoulder. The volley tears through the lower legs of the other guard, ripping them from his body. Sprinting past the crippled guard, writhing in pain, you disappear into the desert without a moments pause to look back.

You are in a car full of resistance members, they are bringing you to where you will hide out for the time being. You are sitting with a good friend in the rear-facing seats in the very back of the station wagon. You are turned so you are looking toward the front of the car. Your brother is one of the people sitting in the middle seat. He is reading George Orwell’s 1984, you are reading along with him without looking at the page. You tell your friend, “I’ve read 1984 so many times I know exactly where my brother is in the story.” You feel the ominous understanding that events are unfolding as they unfold in the book, as your brother reads the events of this story will unfold. 
You are dropped off near a motel just off the highway, you are well out of town and close to escape routes. There in the parking lot you are reunited with the place you called home before your imprisonment, a spherical sailing vessel. Mostly concealed from those without the eyes to see it, it should be safe to leave the sphere stationary, here in this parking lot. You will use this place as your home base, you will sleep here, but in the morning the carpool will return to take you somewhere for the day. During the day you must try to blend in. 
Your sailing sphere is a beautiful place, it’s soft and cozy, comfortable and safe. The sphere can hurdle along highways at great speeds, powered by the wind. Piloting the craft is a chaotic operation, it requires constantly ruining from side to side, pulling on various ropes, tightening some while loosening others. All this leaves little time to watch where you’re going. Your brother doesn’t seem to mind, but you have always found the in control/out of control sensation to be nerve raking. You’re are content to leave the sphere stationary for now. You crawl in bed and sleep free for the first time in as long as you can remember. 

In the morning the carpool arrives as expected and you are taken into town. It has been decided that the best place to hide you might just be in the Education center. It’s one of the few acceptable places for young people to gather and you’ll need a group to blend in. It’s also thought They wont think to look for you inside Their own institution. What’s more, the resistance has plenty of operatives embedded in the administration side of the education institution to assist with your concealment. Furthermore, the media students in the education center have access to is strictly controlled, the only ones who will recognize you are members of the resistance. It’s advised you avoid participating in any classes, the teachers are only exposed to controlled media as well, but if the search intensifies, or begins to close in, teachers may be briefed on the situation. You should try to bled in with the crowds between classes, use this time to change location, then find a quiet spot and wait out the next hour or two. You’re going to have to keep moving, you’ll be found if you stay in one place all day. 
You are dropped off outside the education center. The carpool will signal you when they return for you later today. You join the swarm of people milling about the institution, disappearing into the crowd. You head for the change rooms thinking this might be a good place to start. In a pinch you could hide in a toilet stall until the danger passes. You make your way to the change rooms where you find numerous students, some are changing into workout clothes other are standing in groups chatting, so far so good. You notice resistance members mixed in amongst the rest of the crowd of students. You acknowledge each of them and they acknowledge you in your subtle form of communication. 
A resistance member signals you from stairwell just beyond the door at the far end of the change room, she is waiting to escort you to a spot you can lay low for awhile.  You begin to make your way across the change room, you try to move naturally, not too quick, not too eager. You are about half way across the change room then your heart jumps. A hulking man who must be the P.E. teaches bursts through the door you are trying to get to. He quickly makes his way to the center of the change room addressing the group with a a typically demeaning phrase. A group of students is between you and him, he hasn’t taken particular notice of you. Your escort can’t wait much longer. You resist the urge to sprint for the door You continue moving methodically towards the door. You are only a few meters from the door when you feel his focus fall on you, 
“where you going?!” he snaps. 
“Oh… I don’t have P.E. strip today, so I was going to report to the office  for discipline. “ you answer with a quick smart answer, but you are unsure he will buy it. 
“well if you don’t have strip, you can deep clean the locker room while the rest of these maggots enjoy some physical exercise.” he snarls. As if anyone actually enjoys what tortuous exercises routines this beast of a man must put these students through. 
You can’t afford to argue, you want the focus off of you as quickly as possible, you don’t want him creating a memory imprint of you. You quickly go about gathering cleaning products and supplies, although you have no intention of staying here once the teacher leaves. You can’t risk him coming back to check on you and seeing you one on one, you can’t risk one on one contact with anyone who isn’t a resistance member. Luckily, before long, the teacher leads the group out of the change room, towards the recreation facilities. As soon as the last student has left the room and you are alone, you drop the mop you’ve been holding and bolt for the door that leads to the stairwell. You know your escort is long gone, none of you can risk detection. You must find your way to a safe place to lay low, but you have no contact with any guides, you must move quietly and carefully, be sure not to be seen. 
The hallways are empty, but monitors are known to move between observation rooms from time to time, so you must be alert. Skirting the walls, staying low, and carefully checking around each corner, you move through a labyrinth of hallways searching for an empty room to hide in. You can feel the busy minds behind the doors, filling the classrooms… and the watchful eyes taking notes. Peeking around a corner the hallway is empty, but you sense movement around the next bend, you aren’t taking any chances, you change direction heading down a different hallway, towards the same goal. 
Wondering the hallways is too risky, eventually someone is going to emerge from behind a door and you wont have time to hide. There are operatives embedded on the administration side of the building, if you can get there maybe someone can find you an empty office where you can lay low for a couple hours. 
You finally reach the hallway that divides the complex, it is the one common area used by both students and administrators. The hallways that lead here from the students side are all wide and open, the opposite wall of the hallway is lined with single doors leading to the corridors of the administration side. All of those doors are operated by key cards, you’re going to need help getting in there. The common hallway is frequented often by administrators moving between departments, you are in a risky spot, but it’s what you have to do. You  find an alcove to hide in, you are not very well hidden, but it will have to do until an embedded operative passes by. As you wait you see administrators enter the hallway briefly before disappearing behind a nearby door, fortunately they are always a ways down the hallway one direction or the other. 
The first person to directly pass through the section of hallway your are hiding in is an operative. You convey the intentions and your request, you need to get through a door into the administration side to find somewhere to lay low.
Her impression is it will be risky and dangerous, but it is possible. She can let you through a door, but you’ll have to go on your own for the first bit. She opens the door with her key card and walks away, disappearing behind  a neighbouring door. You dart across the hall and slip behind the door, quietly closing it behind you. Directly in front of you is a block of offices, you turn to your right and proceed to the corner. You are going to have to proceed through a series of temporarily vacated offices at precise intervals to get deep enough into the facility that an operative can meet you and escort you to an empty office. 
As you peek around the corner, you see an administrator walking away from you down the hallway before turning down a hallway to their right and disappear behind the corner. That was the administrator vacating the office of the left side of the hall, your first stop. You quickly duck in the door and hide beneath the desk that is under the window looking out on the hallway. After a time, you poke your head up and check out the window, just in time to see someone approach the corner office on the far side of the hall. Someone emerges from the office and the pair walk down the hallway and around a corner. It’s time to move. You slip out the door, dart across the hall and into the recently vacated office. No sooner are you in the door than you see an administrator pass by the far door of the office, returning to the office you were just hiding in. Once he is inside his office you exit through the far door and proceed down the hall to the empty reception area where your escort will meet you. You hide under a desk in the open reception area as a small group of administrators pass through on their way to lunch. Your escort arrives shortly after and leads you to a narrow hallway which ends at a number office doors. The office in the middle is unoccupied today. 
You quickly make your way to the end of the hall and enter the small room. The only window is on the door, a desk fills most of the room. You figure on curling up under the desk, but just as you start to move towards it, an administrator turns and rushes down the narrow hallway towards you. Maybe they saw your shadow through the window. You pin yourself against the door, hoping to not to be seen through the window. “please don’t try to open the door, please.” The menacing face peers through the window, but gives up and moves on before trying the handle. You crawl under the desk and huddle there for over an hour. 
Before you know it you get the signal, it’s time to move again. An operative is on her way to escort you back out of the administration area. You meet in the hallway and quickly proceed to a stairwell. As you reach the top of the flight of stairs where many stair cases converge on a hallway, you spot two administrators headed your way. You quickly roll behind the door at the top of the stairwell as the operative holds the door open for the administrators, hiding you behind the door as they pass. A close call, you are fortunate the administration isn’t more alert.  The operative points you down a hallway that leads back to the student side of the institution. The door at the end of the hall will open from this without a key card. 
You burst through the doors and are immediately engulfed by the swarm of students moving between classes. You find yourself surrounded by many of the students from the P.E. it was presumed you were in. finally, within the anonymity of the crowd, you and the other resistance members can converse outwardly. You speak in segments and intervals, divided by periods of dispersion amongst the crowd. It is determined something must be done to clean the change room before the teacher notices, need not arouse unnecessary suspicion. As you speak with fellow members of the resistance, you feel curious minds drawn to you.  The resistance adopts new members all the time, those previously undiscovered, those whose minds begin to break through. It is always a risk to let a new one in, but the ones who have it are worth it. Mustn’t give all the information at once, just pieces, just what they need to discover for themselves, once it’s deepened within them, the sharing can become deeper between you. 
Members of the resistance step forward to help clean the locker room, other uninitiated minds volunteer as well, sensing the importance, yet not knowing why. Together you clean the locker room from top to bottom, many hands make quick work. The place is filled with foamy soap then it’s rinsed away, leaving a sparkling shine. 

The day’s not half done, but you get the signal the carpool is here to get you. The situation has intensified, the search is narrowing. Scattered reports of sailing sphere sightings are being reported by local media. You run from the complex, no time for discretion now, teachers are the least of your concern, the authorities are closing in. the car pulls away the second you are in the door. Major routes are road blocked and patrols have been dramatically increased, getting out of the city is going to take awhile. Slowly winding through residential districts, carefully avoiding roadblocks and narrowly dodging patrols, you listen intently to the radio reports, you need to know what message the people are being given. 
You tell your brother, “I think we need to get off the island, let’s head to the ferries and get out of here.” 
He’s unconvinced. “But, how are we going to get through the identity checks at the tool booth?” he replies.
“I don’t know,” you say desperately, “we could give fake names, we could pretend you’re that other comedian.” however you realize the idea is ridiculous, you imagine being unable to control your laughter as you give the fake names at the toll booth. 
Your brother is unwavering. He has been doing stand up comedy routines across the highway from the motel, and he has a show tonight that he is determined to follow through with. Comedy acts are the only permitted method of uncensored public address. Comedians are permitted to poke fun at the institutions, it lulls the population into thinking they themselves are allowed to criticize the  institutions. Unbeknownst to Them, Your brother uses comedy routines to recruit new members to the resistance. Those whose minds are at the threshold, ready to break through, hear the message between the words, their curiously drives them to discover and join the resistance. Those who aren‘t ready to hear, simply witness a comedy act. Your brother has committed to doing the show tonight and he is unwilling to break his word. 
So, you return to the motel where you nervously wait in the sailing sphere while your brother does his act across the highway. The search narrows and the grip tightens, the authorities are closing in. With the heightened vigilance  and public anxiety the media is provoking, keeping the sailing sphere concealed is challenging. It is one thing to conceal something the public don’t expect to see, it is quite another to keep them from seeing something they are looking for, especially when they believe it to be a threat. 
The second your brother finishes his show he runs from the stage to meet you in the parking lot. You time it perfectly, sailing the sphere across the highway, you reach the parking lot just as your brother bursts through the door. He jumps aboard and you are off, hurdling down the highway. It’s very likely someone will notice you, it’s difficult to conceal the sphere while it’s in motion under ideal circumstances, and it’s currently a struggle to keep it hidden while stationary, but there is no choice at this point, the authorities are too close, your only chance is to run. You and your brother frantically run to and froe within the sphere, pulling on a ropes and tightening lines. The sailing sphere careens widely down the highway, with barely a chance to look where you’re going, you have just enough control of the craft to keep from loosing all control. You never will get used to this.  

The End

Holographic Sex Slave

This is a dream I had a few years ago, I immediate thought it should be an episode of the outer limits or something like that. When I originally  wrote this dream down, I wrote it as a story, in the third person. this is rare, I normally record dreams in the first person when I'm first putting them to paper. perhaps I did this to distance myself from the subject matter. this is not a nice story, when you finish the story you are likely to feel like you just got kicked in the stomach, that's how I felt when I woke up from this dream, but I also felt the story was an important one and that's why I'm sharing it. I have only altered a few words, otherwise this story is identical to the I original recorded on September 19th, 2010. 


He had never used one before, but he knew they were available at any grocery store; they could be found in the aisle across from the beer and hard liquor. His friends had used them before, and said it was great. They were so readily available that he barely remembered why he bothered trying to meet human females anymore.
“Besides,” he thought, “it’s one thing to meet a real girl, and quite another to convince her to come home with you. Real girls are snobby, and picky. They want to be treated right and taken out for dinner and movies, and still no guarantee they’ll go to bed with you.”
These, he was told, were a sure thing. They’re programmed to service you. They couldn't say no, that’s what you bought them for.  You could even try them out in the store free of charge. So, he decided to give it a try.
He entered the local super market and acted discreet, just like he was there to buy some milk. With a glance over his shoulder he ducked down the aisle with the beer on the left and the holograms on the right.
He picked the one he thought prettiest of all, slipped open the package and turned his girl on. Wasting no time he undid his pants, whipped out his dick and told her to suck. She did as he said and got on her knees, and she proceeded to do her best to please.
There he stood in the aisle looking around, pants around his knees, his half flaccid penis in the mouth of a hologram. She was doing quite well, it all felt so real, but in the back of his mind there was a growing sense that something was not right. Sure, she was more beautiful than any girl he had a shot with, she was great with her tongue and knew what she was doing, he would never have to take her to dinner, and she would never complain of a headache or that she was too tired, but the uneasiness inside him continued to grow, and he began question, Is this really okay? Does she not have feelings”

He tells her to stop. He pulls up his pants and asks, “Would you prefer if we just talked?”
The pair proceed to shop for groceries, walking through the store enthralled in conversation. He asks her about the contents of her mind. He wants to know what things she thinks, what she believes.
“Is this a life you have chosen?” he asks her.
“I know that I am a hologram, and I’m programmed to have sex with my master,” she replies, “but no, I wouldn't say this is a life I have chosen. It’s certainly not what I want.”

Watchful eyes look as ears listen in, all to be sure she never reaches freedom.

He promised her he would get her out, allow her to live the way that she wanted, but he couldn't take her then, he had to leave. They returned to her shelf where they first met. He said he would come back for her, he told her to wait for his return. He asked her not to go with anyone else, he would come back, he would rescue her.
How long she waited, she had no way to know. Finally she was reactivated once again, removed from her box and reanimated.
“I've been waiting for you!” she exclaimed, “I knew you would come. Now take me from here and grant me my freedom.” she thought he looked different but couldn't quite tell; she’d rather believe he would save her from hell.
“what do you mean? I’m not this person, who do you mean? and this is no prison.” stammered the shocked young man.  He had not come to save her, he knew not for what she was waiting. “ you shouldn't feel pain, you shouldn't feel shame, you’re not even real, I’m the one who takes his pants off in the middle of the store!”
Her spirits sank, he wasn't the same, who was this man, and where was the guy who promised her freedom.
“long dead is this person you've long waited for, decades may have passed or more.” he told her. She thought maybe he could understand, she felt maybe he’d show her compassion.
“I know it is you I've been waiting for! It said in the stars, and the prophet he told me.” she explained to this young man the things that she dreamed and that one day she hoped that she would be freed.
It seemed to be pity that he took for her. He bought her at cost and took her from the store. “come with me honey and I’ll take you home.”
“The others, they’ll find me, they’ll hunt me down, they are already watching, they already know. Outside’s not safe, I must run away. Thank you for my freedom, but I’ll find my own way.”  she blurts out the words and runs off before the young man can stop her. She runs across busy streets, and through green lawns.

A boy and his mother approaching a train. No destination, and not sure which train. Finally they board a train of their choice. As they take their seats on the mostly empty train, she appears through the rear door of the aft most train car. The girl who had waited a year if not more. “I knew you would come, and oh how I’ve waited, but the prophet he told me this was the train.” the boy and his mother seemed to remember. They welcomed her with open arms.
The faces, they judged from neighbouring seats.
She felt protected and finally safe. The boy and his mother defended her from the faces that judged.
“Going to Vegas?” piped up an older lady from across the aisle “she’d be useful there, sell her to a brothel and it’ll pay your way.”
Shocked and appalled the boy and his mother react angrily. “How dare you!? I never! What a horrible thing…” the boy and his mother defended her honour. The loose lipped lady and others slinked off the train, astonished and ashamed.
Overjoyed and jubilant, the girl finally felt safe.
As the train pulled away she was gang raped.

the end

King of Giants

Well, so much for "reviving" my blog, but I guess a year between posts is better than two years between posts... anyway, I am compelled to share a couple of dreams I have converted into short stories. This post will feature a dream I had just recently. I have written this story in the second person, like a choose your own adventure book (except no choices), I have done this in an attempt to present the story in the way I experienced it in the dream. For the first part of the dream you can assume you are you, when the other characters are introduced they are described in a way that allows you to determine their identity. when you wake up in a new environment it will quickly become clear you are the king of giants.   

It’s an overnight sailing to begin with, and now the journey has been delayed further, a crackly voice over the loud speaker explains, “We are experiencing some mechanical issues, there is no need for alarm, but it will take some time to resolve the problem. Passengers, please make yourselves comfortable.”  
You’re standing on the outside deck, the smell of diesel and rusting metal hangs in the still night air. A smaller ferry barely disturbs the smothering darkness as it drifts by on a different route. You are aboard a large older vessel, once the crown jewel of the largest passenger ferry fleet in the world, but long since replaced by bigger and better ships and now really showing her age. There must be something to do around here, time to explore. You head inside through the heavy doors, a few steps in on the left there are stairwells on either side of an elevator. There are bound to be restricted access areas, or maybe even whole floors which are off limits... Or at least tricky to find. You press the button to call the elevator, and the doors open promptly. Stepping inside and closing the doors, it seems to be a service elevator, pipes and wires are exposed or visible behind metal caging, and the control panel is simplistic, The main buttons of importance in this elevator control panel are: the red stop button, and the open doors button. with these two buttons anywhere the elevator goes should be accessible. The elevator starts to move, it feels quicker than you expected. Suddenly you press the stop button, attempting to stop between floors to reach hidden areas, the elevator lurches to a stop. Opening the doors, you find yourself definitely between floors. The only place to go is the floor above you, it’s a bit of a jump, you scrabble up, then squeeze through the small opening. Getting to your feet you look around, your head spins for a second. You’re up facing the aft of the ship, there’s a dinning hall to the left, quite fancy and many people are sitting politely, eating dinner, and conversing. To the right, just beyond a staircase leading to a lower floor, there are the doors to the outside deck. Turning around to face the elevator your world keeps turning. Losing balancing you fall face down. The world goes black.
Looking up from the floor you see someone is here to help, you recognize this woman and known her to be trained to help in emergency medical situations. Your vision is blurry and your head's still spinning. You are unable to coordinate physical movement, you are experiencing involuntary muscle contractions alternating with paralysis. You are unintentionally fighting the aid by trying to co-operate, but muscles are unresponsive and uncontrollable.
Black.
The first responder is coming through the doors from the outside deck, she is with another recognizable person, a family friend, someone here to help keep you clam, although they are reluctant to be involved.
Black
Breathing bottled oxygen through a tube, blanket is smothering and hot, heavy and itchy. You thrash in an attempt to remove the blanket…
“It’s okay you don’t have to keep the blanket on them.” instructs a female voice.
“Are you sure?” responds a reluctant male voice, “I thought you were supposed to give them a blanket.”
The blanket remains off.
Clam and dark.
Waking again to uncomfortable heat, you are still laying facedown, your face against a heater and cold air is being blown on your feet. Lifting your aching head you find there is no one is around. The dinning hall is empty and dark, the familiar faces providing aid are nowhere to be see. Outside the smothering darkness pushes inward still and silent, dark.


____________________________________________________________

You are awoken by the sound of your crew making preparations for an immediate emergency return home.  It is dark in your captains quarters, the only source of light is the glowing streams of dust pushing through cracks in the wood cabin. Your bed is comfortable and large, fit for the king of giants. The familiar sounds of oars, sails, and waves slapping against the wooden hull are joined by the alarming sounds of concerned voices of your crew. You have been on a raiding mission for several weeks, it is not uncommon for the king of giants to personally lead voyages such as these.  Back home, fortifications of the castle of the cliff are already underway. Your kingdom is organized and well trained, they have begun the necessary preparations without having to wake you. Your sleep has been long, had you fallen ill, were you poisoned? Its unclear and there is no time to dwell on thoughts of the past, it is time to prepare for battle, the kingdom of the giants must be protected. No sooner are you on your feet than one of your crew comes bursting through the doors of your cabin. “sire, we must immediately return to the keep, there is no time to explain further.” he is short for a giant, but you’re the king of giants, most giants seem short to you.
“very good,” you say calmly, “I will prepare myself for battle and be on deck shortly to take command. dismissed.”
He sounds concerned, “but, my liege, are you-? I mean in your-”
“DISMISSED!” you cut him off abruptly, his concern is irrational, he underestimates your strength.  “Leave me!” you command.

Standing on the open deck, armed for battle, the salt air in your face, you stare intensely out over the dark waves. Someone comes to your side and says something, but you are not listening, your mind is preparing for battle, you are deep in a warriors trance, filling with power and strength, senses razor sharp, focus narrowing to a needle point.

As you near your home port you pass the island where the stone angles are isolated. in their cave on the small island the weeping angles gather. Perhaps they are the threat to your kingdom. They have been exiled to their island for many years without incident, but it is possible they have found a way to free themselves from the prison, it is a fear you've had for as many years as they've been stuck there.  

Giants leap from the ship to the dock and race to shore even before the crew finish securing the vessel. Fleeing through the valley beneath the cliff and up the steep and narrow path on the right, your crew retreats to the fortified castle. You are last to leave the ship, as captain and king it is your duty.  Your follow your kin through the valley and up the steep and narrow path that leads to the castle on the cliff. The wall that surrounds the city and castle stands where the cliff plateaus, a short distance back from the edge. An easily defended position. The narrow path, a natural choke point, is the only way to get a large force to the gates, and the only other way to reach the wall is to scale the cliff.

As you reach the gates, the others are all behind the wall barring the doors. It is natural for the king of giants to be the one standing between an on coming horde and the gates to his kingdom.

The battle begins, a mass of attackers flows up the narrow path meeting you in battle on the cliff face. Your back against the wall of your kingdom you swing two giant hammers launching groups of attackers off the cliff with each mighty blow. The attacking army is comprised of many different races. Some of the soldiers are giants like you, others are humans, some may even be goblins, or  orcs, it‘s no difference to you, they all will face the furry of your hammers.
The rain pours down from the black sky, and the horde keeps coming, some are even scaling the cliff face. Your stag, a faithful companion, has emerge from the castle and is standing by your side. As the battle rages on, you feel the feminine guardian with you, impeding the progress of your combatants. You continue to smash your opponents, launching them from the cliff. The rain pours and lightning splits the sky. You swell with power and strength as you wield your hammers with the strength of a god. Lightning strikes as you land blows. Your assailants have no strength compared to you. Your stag remains still and grounded, unwavering in the face of this onslaught. The feminine force a steady flow, like a river pushing downward against the horde that’s moving up the narrow path. Your entire being absorbed in the fight, you are an army of one demolishing all that dare near the gates.

The battle has raged long, you have sent countless enemies to their death. Bodies crippled by your hammers pile at the bottom of the cliff.. The enemies are fewer but still determined. your strength begins to wane. It is increasingly difficult to send attackers off the cliff in a single blow. You begin to feel how heavy your hammers really are. Still, your strength is divinely endowed, defeat is impossible. You smash a shield maiden hard in the breast plate, she is sent sprawling, but she is not knocked from the cliff.
From the right a giant charges. He is a large giant, even compared to the king of giants. You block his attack with your mighty hammers, side stepping his charge you send him off balance towards the edge of the cliff. Bounding toward him, swinging your immensely heavy hammers with much less force than you had anticipated, you strike him weakly, yet he is still off balance, and it’s enough to send the giant off the edge of the cliff.
Looking to your left you see the shield maiden getting to her feet. You grab her. Perhaps she is worthy of bearing your children, she has survived you in battle, her armour is strong. Lifting her into the air and dangling her over the edge you bellow, insane with power and blood lust, “bear my children and they will rule the world, or I can throw you to your death. The choice is yours, but you must want what you choose. I will know if you are lying and I will throw you to your death if you do.”  despite your threat, you are convinced she will accept your offer to have your children, you are endowed with the strength of the gods, your children will rule the world, how could anyone, even an enemy, deny the king of giants. “What is your choice?” you demand.
Her answer stuns you. You drop to your knees deflated, unsure if you dropped her from the edge or not. You feel shame and rejection, disillusionment, and sorrow. The darkness begins to lift, your needle point focus of battle begins to widen. The illusion starts to dissolve. The members of your council emerge from behind the wall. You know before they tell you, the battle you just fought has been all in your mind.
“its true we fortified the castle,” explains one of your more vocal advisors, “but those measures were taken to protect the kingdom from you, sire. Your behaviour became irrational and dangerous while we were at sea, we had to keep you sedated as long as we could while we returned to port. You put a lot of people in danger.”
You know this to be true, you regret endangering your kingdom.
Out of nowhere a different advisor leaps at you kicking and screaming. The other advisors rush into to pull him off of you.
“Forgive him,” encourages the vocal one,  “his actions are understandable, you jeopardized the safety of his family.”
You do not blame him for attacking you, you would do the same in his position.
“We even had to engage the bull lock to prevent you from entering the city.” continues the vocal advisor. This lock secures the main gates, it’s shaped like a bull’s head with rotating horns that engage the locking mechanism, and it is also your name sake, Bullock the king of giants.
Your thoughts turn to the illusionary battle that just raged in your mind. The enemies you ruthlessly demolished were shadows of yourself, the shield maiden was a reflection of you.

the end

Revival of my blog

Well, I have decided to revive my blog after over two years of in activity. I was inspired to do so when I was trying to follow a blog written by a friend of mine (shout out to you flower/sprout). I wanted to follow her blog through my blog, which was trickier than I had expected because it had been so long since I logged in to my blog that I had forgotten my password, and I now use a different Google account which kept high jacking things and trying to make me log in with it rather than the account I use for this blog. Anyway, I eventually managed to get things figured out, logged into my blog and started following sprout's blog. I read my old blog posts and was astonished to see how things are still so the same, yet completely different. You may want to look over some of my old blog posts, especially read the piece “what a ridiculous (perfect) day” in particular, as much of what I'm about to talk about references my previous posts.

Over two years since my last post, yet things are so the same... but different. The wonderful person who suggested to me “what if the world is perfect” is now dead, but I will never forget his message. I am still forgetting to change the radio station after listening to the Canucks games, so I'm still waking up to the news on CFAX. And the news is still pissing me off, as it reminds me that it is primarily idiots who hold the positions of power in this world. Furthermore, the Conservative party of Canada is still the government, even worse they have a majority now, and they are still winning us fossil of the year awards at the international climate change summits. But, the Green party has a seat in parliament, in my riding even, a seat that was previously held by a Conservative. I canvased for Elizabeth May, and helped her win that seat for the Green party. I no longer feel powerless, my anger and frustration moved me to action and I created change. 

I am still a member of Made in Bangs! Although we are on an indefinite hiatus and none of us live in Victoria anymore (I don't live very far away though). In between my last blog post and now, Made in Bangs! lived under the same roof for a time, but now none of us even live in the same city. We still haven't completed our album, and it's still waiting for live drum tracks.

I no longer feel we sit perched on the precipice of apocalypse. we have past the end of the Mayan calendar without incident, and although this screws up my retirement plan (as in I will now have to have one) I am happy we have made it to 2013. I feel many people are waking up, and realizing the importance of being their own unique individual and are beginning to understand how our own individuality is what unites us as one.

There are still senseless wars, and in many ways the outlook for humanity seems even more grim than it did two years ago. North Korea has just tested another atomic bomb, school shootings are increasingly ubiquitous, the near collapse of the economic system has come and gone with barely any reform of unstable financial practices, and the environment is under greater threat than ever with oil pipeline projects being pushed forward as environmental assessments/regulations are being all but eliminated. Yet now, these things are sources of inspiration rather than despair. People all around the world are rising up and demanding change for the better, from the Egyptian spring, to the occupy wall street movement, to public outcry against pipeline projects. Sure many governments are doing everything in their power to ignore and discredit these movements, but others are taking bold steps towards real sustainable change. The government of Ecuador has given constitutional rights to the environment, and similar drafts of legislation have been written by groups in the United States and other countries. Many governments may not be ready to give these kind of rights to nature, but there is a growing number of people who are increasingly vocal about their desire for it. In Bolivia there are impressive initiatives to develop a resource sector that will grow their green economy. Bolivia has one of the worlds largest deposits of lithium, which is used in modern battery technology. Not only do they plan to harvest this resource, which will be extremely valuable in coming years as electric cars become more popular and the world moves away form fossil fuels, they plan to make it into batteries themselves rather than selling the raw resource to other countries. This plan to develop their economy around a “green energy” may well propel Bolivia from a poor country to a major player in world energy in the decades to come. Canada should really be taking a lesson from this small south American country, because as we are rushing to build infrastructure around our fossil fuel resources in the name of economic growth and getting what we can from these resources while there is still a market for it on the global stage, we may well be undermining our economic future. Spending money on an energy source which is unsustainable and while there are world wide initiatives to transition away from fossil fuels can only be considered a colossal mistake made out of short sighted greed. Yes there is still a great demand for oil, and yes we are fortunate to have a lot of it, but we also are rich in many other green energy sources, but we are falling behind in our development of these resources which will undoubtedly be the future of the energy sector. We should be keeping as much of our fossil fuels as we can, so we can use them as needed in the development of our green energy sources. If we build wind farms, we are still going to need to use trucks to get the turbines to the project sites. The quicker we develop our green energy resources, the sooner we can discontinue our use of oil and the more of it we can keep in the ground where it belongs.

That last bit about how Canada should be taking a lesson from Bolivia, is actually the whole point of all of this, when things don't seem right it is not that they aren't perfect, it is that there is an opportunity to learn, grow, and change.

Keeping in your heart and mind the notion that everything is prefect is often extremely difficult, especially when in the immediacy of a major tragedy. It takes time to see the opportunity a horrific event or terrible injustice presents, it can take a lifetime. For instance, there has recently been a terrible tragedy in Victoria, three young people lost their lives in a house fire. I knew two of the victims, Emily and Mark. Although I had only met them a handful of times, I knew from the first moment I met them that they were special people. They were amazingly wonderful human beings, so genuine, so compassionate, unbelievably intelligent, creative, and sincere. I am, as are many, in shock of the news that they are gone. In this moment I cannot see the perfection in this, or understand the full extent to which this tragic loss will provide gifts, they seemed to have so many gifts to give in life. But, I do believe in time that this tragedy will provide something to each and every person touched by their passing. For me, this has in part strengthened my resolve to become a firefighter. I am currently training as a volunteer firefighter on a small gulf island, I am finding the training inspiring and the more I learn, the more I can picture myself thriving in this career.

Strangely enough, the night this fire claimed these young lives, before I had learned of this tragedy, perhaps even simultaneous to it, I had a dream of a house fire:

I was moving out of the house where I lived with Fred. (the man who said to me “what if everything is perfect” and who recently lost his battle with cancer. In the dream Fred was still alive, although his cancer was in an advanced stage.) As I was moving the last of my things out of the house, a fire started in a light fixture above front porch, it was short circuiting and a small fire started. Fred and I believed the fire was manageable and posed no threat. As we went about getting the fire extinguisher and attempting to put out the fire, I realized that there was another fire in the basement, this fire was very advanced and about to spread to the rest of the house. I altered Fred, and told him we needed to get out of the house immediately, in the panic of trying to evacuate the house Fred fell. When he fell, he expressed to me that he understood this was the end for him, this fall would cost him his life (this is actually somewhat similar to how he died in real life, although I wasn't there as I didn't live there at the time, but he had a fall which led to him being admitted to hospice where he passed away a couple days later). I dragged Fred from the house and laid him on the front lawn. From here I could see the fire through the basement window, it had fully engulfed the rooms of the lower floor. Oddly, there was a rooster in the basement window, but sadly I knew there was nothing I could do, as opening or breaking the window where the rooster was standing would cause a massive backdraft which would not only kill or injure me and the rooster, but cause the fire to rapidly spread through the rest of the house engulfing it completely and subsequently endangering neighboring homes, so I wasn't going to do that, especially without the fire department on scene yet. I knelt on the ground with Fred's head in my lap as we waited for the ambulance and fire crews to arrive. Eventually an ambulance, that was shaped like a hearse, arrived followed shortly by the firetrucks. As they loaded Fred into the ambulance I told Fred I was going to ride with him where every he has going. And that was pretty much where the dream ended.

When I heard a fire claimed the lives of these wonderful people I knew, and on the very same night I had a dream of pulling a friend from a burning building I decided to take that as a sign to seriously pursue a career as a firefighter.

Although there are no words that lessen the tragedy of the loss of a loved one, or diminish the travesties committed by the greedy and ignorant, do remember, as hard as it may be to understand, everything is perfect exactly the way it is. Injustice is to motivate you to action for change, pain to make you aware and allow you to heal. Know that everything happens for a reason. Know that you are never powerless. And know you are never faced with anything you can't handle, you may be pushed to your very limit, but you will always have everything you need provided to you. Life is a spiral, it ebbs and flows, becomes challenging, then effortless. It is always different, but you'll always find yourself right back where you started, the same but different.

We are all equally opposite, the same but different.  

I Love you all.

R.I.P. Fred, Emily, and Mark.

My Newest Track Hot Off the Presses

Ripple Effect by this is my life on music

made this today. this track is more of a full length song than the previous two have been. it doesn't have any lyrics yet, but i might still write some.

Best Paragraph I've Ever Read

"Science is biased on experiment and observation. It must know no fear, must have no dogmas, must create no "taboo" for itself. But contemporary science, by the mere fact of having cut itself sharply off from religion and "mysticism," i.e. by having set up for itself a definite "taboo," has become an accidental and unreliable instrument of thought. The constant feeling of this "taboo" compels it to shut its eyes to a whole series of inexplicable and unintelligible phenomena, deprives it of wholeness and unity, and as a result brings about that 'we have no science but have sciences.'"

- from Ouspensky's 'A New Model of the Universe'


This idea is continued as Ouspensky explains that the further science breaks itself into different branches and disciplines the further from truth science gets. This separating of sciences has been going on for a while and is only getting more so divided now. This is exactly why I left College in the middle of a semester, Science is no longer a reliable path to truth and knowledge. Science now days is a distraction from real truth, and a tool used by materialist to explain away very real very important "mystical" phenomena. This is a sad fact of our material bound society. the true pioneers of science would be embarrassed to see what has become of a once mighty and pure path to knowledge and truth. the degeneration of science has occurred all the while scientist make a fuss of what progress they are making. The progress that has been made over the last 200 years or so has been a static process along a fixed linear plane. whenever confronted the possibility of expanding the scope of science or using the scientific model to study "mystical" states of consciousness and other phenomena like ESP, science puts its blinders on, stuff its head in the sand, and cowers under the bed until the big bad non-materialistic mobo jobo leaves them alone. Shame on you science!

This is sort of a spoken word piece with a riff. I wrote the words the other day while biking over to made in bangs! studios. The large moon was rising as the sun set in the west; time appeared to stand still, these colossal celestial bodies hanging in the air. A dream i had long ago came to mind; I was in a car driving over many steep rolling prairie hills. at the top of each hill i could see along way over the top of the other hills. the clouds got dark and dense, then many spherical domes began to form on the underside of the clouds almost as if tornadoes were forming, yet eerily foreign.

When the moon sits on the horizon
and the sun sets at dawn
Mountains rise from the oceans
and the clouds grow dark and strong.

When the time comes by this is my life on music

First Track I've made with Ableton.

I've heard a lot of things about ableton, all of them good. This eventually lead to checking this program out for myself. "ableton live" as this program is called seems like an amazingly fluid way to create and preform music. The track below is the first thing I have ever created with ableton. I'm just starting to figure it out, but so far I like it a lot. I don't have a midi keyboard set up right now; I drew most of the notes in rather than using the computer keyboard to play the notes and record parts that way in real time, though i did use the keyboard this way for one sound in the breakdown part. If you'd like to try this program for 30 days follow this link: www.ableton.com and choose which package you'd like to try. I suggest trying it. I'm enjoying it so far.


Wobble on the Brick Echo by this is my life on music

What a Ridiculous (perfect) Day!

So, I woke up this morning to a vivid reminder that the people who run this world and specifically this country are idiots. This also reminded me that i hate waking up to radio news, specifically CFAX (gotta make sure i change the radio station before i set my alarm again).

Top headlines:

Canadian officials don't know how to deal with climate change because they have insufficient information about it

Canadian officials don't know how contaminated our fresh water supply is because they don't monitor it, nor do they know who's job it is to do so.

Wiki Leaks founder, Julian Assange, arrested on sexual abuse allegations

A study showed that Doctors who work 24 hour shifts make more mistakes near the end of that 24 hours than they do when they are well rested... but there is some debate about this as some say this study is inconclusive.

Canadian policy going into climate change conference "we wont do anything unless everyone does everything, because if we close a steal plant in Canada and it opens in China we haven't done any good."


Everything that's wrong with those headlines (if it wasn't already obvious) and notes to Canadian officials:

Canadian officials don't have sufficient info about climate change because this government refuses to believe climate change is a real thing. If you ignore a problem/ deny it exists, therefore refuse to accept any information about said issue, or condone any research into this issue, yes you are going to have insufficient information to deal with the problem. (By the way Mr. Harper and minions, preschoolers have better problem solving skills than you.)

Canadian officials (specifically the minister of environment), it's your job to monitor the contamination of our fresh water, and prevent contamination from happening... idiots. this is not hard to figure out!

One of the few people in this world trying to hold governments and institutions accountable for there less than ethical/moral/diplomatic actions is arrested on allegations of sexual abuse... now I'm not saying that sexual abuse is okay, it's not at all, but what these allegations boil down to is that Julian Assange had sex with a woman, then did not call her the next day, and then had sex with someone else the following day... doesn't really sound like what most people would call "rape". Maybe, maybe his behavior was less than upstanding (not nearly as bad as the behavior of those exposed by wiki leaks) , but to believe these allegations are anything but an attempt to distract from the information his organization is releasing would be foolish. we want more leaks!

That study about tired doctors... inconclusive... really!! are you stupid!? everyone knows that sleep deprivation causes you to make more mistakes, that's why truckers aren't legally allowed to drive 24 hours in a row. you're doctors! you would think of all people medical professionals would understand the dangers of sleep deprivation, but apparently not, idiots!

Finally, Government of Canada, what the fuck kind of policy is "we wont do anything unless everyone does everything, because if we close a steal plant in Canada and it opens in china we haven't done any good." going into an important world discussion on how to combat climate change!?!? That's like a five year old at his birthday party saying "I wont share any of my cake with my friends unless i can have it all to myself!" Stupid and illogical!
Sure it's true that closing a steal plant in Canada only to have it open in China doesn't benefit the climate any, and neither does getting nothing done because Canada refuses to agree to anything until all countries agree to do everything. Canada might as well just not participate in these climate change discussions, that way the rest of the world is guaranteed to get more done than if Canada did participate.
This policy is the biggest cop-out joke! a horribly selfish, nearsighted, load of SHIT! Come on Canada we got the fossil of the year award at the Copenhagen summit for a reason, and it's shit like this. SERIOUSLY GET YOU HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASSES!!!


My changing perspective:

Now all of this idiocy left me with a sense of impending doom. Powerless against the hopeless machine my frustration increased throughout the day. The only thing I could say with certainty by the end of the day is that the entire human race is totally fucked and that we are all destined to self destruct under the weight of our own ridiculous stupidity! With this in mind I welcomed the idea of an apocalypse, the human race should feel full wrath of whatever power there is that hath the power to set wrath upon us; fire and brimstone, please put an end to this pitiful selfish species. I certainly don't have the power to make anything better, not against the pure magnitude of bullshit that populates this world... but then finally someone said something that made sense, that empowered me once more, something that filled me with hope and energy and exuberance... "what if this world is perfect, just the way it is in this moment?"

Sure not everything in the world is right, but in this moment things ARE exactly as they should be, completely perfect in every way! The things that enrage us move us to action, things that hurt us allow us to heal. In this very moment I have all the power in the world to do what ever I want. In this moment I can not be paralyzed by the sheer volume of bull shit in the world, for in this moment I am perfect, as is all that is! I am extremely fortunate to be living in North America, with a roof over my head and food in my fridge. I am in a position to act. I have enormous freedom here in Canada, when my government acts stupid I am allowed to say so. It is the choices I make moment to moment that matter. I can continue to chose to be frustrated and paralyze myself under the giant pile of bullshit I see in the world, continuing to pile it higher and higher on top of myself... or I can chose to act, live in the moment and liberate myself from this pile of bullshit.

When I think of all injustices in this world, and all the things that have ever been wrong with this world, and all the things that could go wrong in the world in the future it is paralyzing and I am powerless. But, when i see the world in this moment as perfect, i am empowered and moved to action.

I am grateful for the awareness that there is bullshit in this world, so that I may act in ways that demonstrates the perfection all around us.

NASA Discovers new life form!

NASA announced today that they have discovered a new form of life that changes our understanding of the elements required for life. Unfortunately, The new life form NASA discovered is not extraterrestrial, it was found in California, nevertheless, the discovery is still very exciting. The life form that NASA has discovered has a very interesting and important difference about the structure of it's DNA, it has arsenic instead of phosphorus like all other life we know. This is so exciting and important because it means life can exist in even greater variety than we believed previously, and exist in places we used to think impossible. It was thought until now that there were 6 elements essential for life: Carbon, Nitrogen, Hydrogen, Oxygen, Phosphorous, and Sulfur, with this discovery of an organism with arsenic in place of phosphors it can now be inferred that other elements could be swapped as well, silicon for carbon for instance. This vastly increases the possible places to find life. We have been looking for planets like ours to find extraterrestrial life on, planets that have the elements we thought critical for the existence of life, not anymore. Life could exist in vastly different ways than we have imagined. There maybe life forms out there we don't even recognize as life. on planets hot enough for rocks to be liquid, there could be a silicon based life form that looks more like a rock to us than it does something alive. Oh the possibilities!

for more information read the NASA press release.

December Begins

December begins like it does again and again,
Leaving behind November and then,
Before you know it's Christmas at last,
Then you realize a whole year's past.

December begins like it does each year,
With anticipation of holiday cheer,
Quickly it passes it wont last.
Once again a full year's past.

December begins though we try to pretend,
That this isn't happening all over again.
Holidays pass before they begin.
Faster the world continues to spin.

December begins it's already here.
Has it really been a whole year?
We should surrender now and give in.
Eventually always Time will win.

In The Beginning

We all lived in harmony,
Long before there was you are me.
All was one including the sun,
Then it started, then it started, then it begun

There were Bangs! and a blinding flash.
Light from the darkness free at last.
Rivers and oceans mountains and planes.
In the perfect garden life was laid.

We all lived in harmony,
Long before there was you or me.
All was one that was under the sun,
Then it started, then it started, then it begun

The knowledge we gained, tore us apart,
gave us the mind, and blocked out the heart.
blind with a fear, of the unknown
out of the garden, we were thrown.

We all lived in harmony,
Long before there was you or me.
All was one that was under the sun,
Then it started, then it started, then it begun

All that we saw, coming apart
Parts to pieces, tree and their bark
Walls between things that were never there
Separating, and making us scared.

We all lived in harmony
Long before there was you or me
All was one that was under the sun,
Then it started, then it started, and then it was done.